My Failure to Remember

I’ll soon add a new year to the row of the other ones and, as some people say, this is an important one for a woman (or for a man; I don’t want to be a misandrist). As this is the way it should be, I started to weave nostalgias and sum up the things I’ve never done but I wanted to or the things I forgot to do, for reasons even I am not aware of.
I forgot:
- to forgive, not just to say that;
- to pack a sandwich and a bottle of water and lose my steps
somewhere in a park for hours;
- to talk to the ocean and ask him if he ever feels lonely;
- to crazily dance and laugh when I actually feel like crying out my
thoughts;
- to go to the store and look for some joy on the shelf;
- to look into somebody’s eyes and be able to see that it is actually love
there;
- to close my eyes and wake up on a green wheat field, murmuring its
anxiety that the clouds are gathering and the wind won’t shut up;
- to expect unrealistically little;
- to understand and accept without “but…” or “well…”;
- the moment, and I idiotically chose the hours;
- the words but I chose to speak;
- to take a deep breath and feel lucky because I can do it;
- that a lot means very little and everything means nothing;
- the snowdrops;
- that I don’t belong only to myself;
- to kill number 2 and replace it with 3;
- to put the Moon and stars on a night sky;
- to see with my own eyes;
- the fresh green and I rushed myself to color in grey;
- to smell tulips;
- to listen to sounds and I chose the unfinished symphony of noise;
- to just sit somewhere and simply don’t care;
- to fall asleep hugging myself;
- to widely open the window until all the coldness gets inside;
- to badly sing a song and burst into laughing;
- to learn about small things and feel like I did a big thing;
- to pick some wild flowers and give them to someone who doesn’t like
me;
- to have colored dreams;
- to print out one thousands copies of “who am I?” and spread them
around;
- to put a snail back in the grass and apologize because he might not
have wanted to end up there;
- to enter an ugly room and feel like it’s the Louvre just because
somebody calls it “palace”;
- to write something in the sand and quickly delete it after that because
it’s my secret;
- to ask and wait for the answer;
- to see people giving each other heart shaped gifts and feel happy for
this;
- to be the only “YES” in an ocean of “NOs”;
- to count memories up to one hundred;
- to call a dear person just to listen to her;
- to care today about what I ignored yesterday;
- to remember that this moment, this one right now, will never come back;

Somebody said that if you can’t go back to yesterday to start a new beginning, then you should start today a new ending.